The kitchen
Pull up a chair.
This is a place for low-pressure connection. You don't need a script. Just a small opening, and room to notice what comes back.
Conversation starters
Start small.
You don't need a big conversation. Sometimes the easiest way in is simply to share a little of your own day.
“I want to share something that happened to me today.”
“I always love hearing about your day, so I just wanted to share something from mine.”
“Something happened today that made me smile.”
“Something happened today that brought a little light into my day.”
“I was thinking about you today when…”
Then get quiet. Let them respond—or don't. You're listening for what comes next.
The quiet signs
What happens next is information.
You're not looking for the perfect response. You're noticing what your child gives you.
- They keep talking while you're there.
- They ask you something back.
- They tell you something unrelated.
- They linger instead of walking away.
- They come back later and mention what you shared.
- They don't say much, but they stay nearby.
- They don't respond at all.
Silence isn't necessarily rejection. Sometimes the conversation is happening more quietly than words.
A little pressure can help
Give them somewhere to go.
If they don't respond, you don't have to chase the moment. Thank them for listening.
“Thanks for listening. I'd love to hear more about your day. I'll come up to your room in an hour and we can chat.”
This gives them a small opening to respond. They may welcome the conversation. They may say, 'Leave me alone.' Either answer is useful. Now you know what to do next.
A good response tells you to keep going.
A 'leave me alone' response tells you to give them space.
Both are information—not failure.